| daaaamn |
[Jun. 8th, 2009|06:44 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Antigua | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  accomplished | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Three Days Grace-Animal I Have Become | ] |
I don't know why i'm posting, i don't think any even reads this anymore. but honestly it's 645 in the morning and im bored. let's see how quick i can do this. IM IN MED SCHOOL!! that's right, im studying medicine in the caribbean and have been here for 2 years now. I did my undergraduate education here because quite frankly i think the american college system is so fucked that they make u pay shit loads of money for 4 years for classes that won't mean shit in your particular profession, so i came down here and did what i had to do. THIS was the best thing i could do for my life. i was tired of fucking around and tired of making excuses for myself and blaming others for my failures in life. it's not their fault, it never was. it was my stupidity that got me into the situations i had gotten myself into. but by the grace of God everything is working out. I'm in my 2nd to last year of basic sciences now and will be done with the "book" portion of medicine in dec '09. I will then come back to the states and study for my board exams (USMLE Step 1) and then start rotation ::fingers crossed::
I just wanted to say sorry to all those people i have blamed for things in the past....if anything i should thank you. I learned alot from my past experiences and refused to let that be true. I wanted to play the victim and wouldn't allow myself to get over it. I am a better person because of it all. Thank you.
As far as school goes, that's about it.
My sister is the proud mother of now TWO kids. My neice was born october 27, 2007. man it seems like forever ago. i guess that's about it. see you in 2 yrs =) |
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| what the hell |
[Apr. 10th, 2008|05:35 am] |
i dont know why im doing this coz i havent touched this site in over a year. could be that iw as bored and i randomly remembered it. well here's the deal, im in the caribbean. im studying to be a doctor. i have two more years here. i have a girlfriend down here. she's pretty chillin but my heart will always belong to someone else. and she knows who she is. i miss home. i spend 4 months here and then a week literally at home and then another 4 months, yada yada yada. everything else is ok. i was looking back at some previous entries of mine and man i was an angry child. i guess i had a right to be. i think the thing that pisses me off more than anything is that we'll never ever be friends or acquaintances. it's cool. you lose people you gain people. but i suppose that's it. who knows when i'll be back.
peace |
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| start the new year frest, it's what i wanted...........i think |
[Jan. 2nd, 2007|12:53 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | not sure | ] |
| [ | music |
| | over the rainbow(modern version) | ] |
it's over. the friendship is finally over. i'm a little relieved coz i guess it gives me sense of closure but at the same time im saddened because this is was the epitome of friendships. she thought i lied about a serious point in my life, because certain things didn't add up, but that was because to spare her feelings at the time i didnt tell her everything in clear cut detail, so i guess my fault. it's ok. i have no ill feelings towards her. i wish her the best and i hope she'll be happy and i sincerely hope she'll learn to trust again. and im sorry that i took that trust away from you even though i wasn't lying but i can understand where she's coming from....i guess that's all. so much for a happy birthday coming up...........happy new year........i guess.
"Let go of everything that holds you back. Let go of people, things, situations, thoughts, ideas, concepts, disempowering beliefs that do not allow you to grow and evolve. The power of letting go of that which is not aligned with your higher self is that you leave space for more fruitful and positive experiences to come into your life.
A lot of times we complain about our circumstances or our relationships, yet we hold on to the very things and people that are holding us back and making us unhappy. We want better for ourselves, we want more passion, we want more love, we want more success and prosperity, we long for healthier relationships, etc. And we wonder why we can't achieve what we desire in life--but we have no space! We block these experiences from taking place in our lives because we are still holding on to that which is not serving us." |
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| just a couple of thoughts. feel free to comment. |
[Nov. 21st, 2006|06:10 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  curious | ] |
| [ | music |
| | brand new | ] |
and once again the clock strikes mid night. a new day upon us but nothing has changed. truths hidden. lies manipulated. souls lost. hope desired.
and another day goes by and all is wrong with the world, everything is given to us in black and white. we're taught not to believe in the gray areas. people aren't who they seem to be. self-appreciation has completely disappeared. all that seems to matter is the approval of those who will eventually leave a person one way or another. why not the approval of the one person who will never leave? |
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| the weight of the world has been lifted...... |
[Jul. 10th, 2006|07:54 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Rise Against- The Sufferer & The Witness | ] |
so yesterday i went to go see mrs. riccio aka MOM and jackie! it was great to see them again, as always. but aside from seeing them that made me happy, i got something accomplished more than when i usually go there. i finally let out after two years of keepin it inside the shit that i went through throughout high school and post high school. it was nice to be able to talk to someone who wouldnt judge or get so emotional i couldnt talk. basically i figured out that i have to not let this own me, but i have to now be in control....though it will take a step at a time, i think lettin it all out has helped me in accomplishing this task. other than that, everything else has been good. im goin upstate this week with the santos family and that's about it. i got my 2nd job at new island hospital......I HATE WORKING!
i guess that's all that's been goin on....nothing too exciting, just thought i should update coz it's been a while and there was something actually worth writing about, haha.
"Now I'm standing on the rooftop ready to fall
I think I'm at the edge now but I could be wrong"
-Rise Against "Ready to Fall"
"Seize the day or die regretting the time you lost
It's empty and cold without you here, too many people to
ache over"
-Avenged Sevenfold "Seize the Day"
my two songs of the month =o) |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 1st, 2006|10:25 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  awake | ] |
| [ | music |
| | atreyu-ex's and oh's | ] |
so what can i say? things are ok. i think for once im finally happy and ive said that before but this time for real. ive gotten some friends back and workin on others which i feel is a step in the right direction. ive sent out all apps except for one(to the school i want) to the schools overseas. ive been talkin to tonty ALOT recently who is one of the friends ive gotten back and im definitely happy about that. im tryin to convince her to come to london with me if i get accepted lol. she says she definitely would if things went the right way, but i dont believe her. tonty ur a fuckin liar!!! lol jk i love u. nah but it would be sick, coz i know she's been away from home as i have and she knows how hard it can be and she's one of those friends who i know wouldnt distract me with school and shit. let's see what else. my nephew started to talk =o). i tried to get him to say uncle don....and it comes out so fucked up lol but it's adorable. i suppose thats all there is to say. i dont really have much "drama" goin on lol...whooo hoo!
"can you feel her
burning through your veins
she will always
live forever
can you bear the burden" |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 8th, 2006|05:34 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | atreyu-her portrait in black | ] |
the boondock saints
seven
snatch
dodgeball
anchorman
braveheart
the green mile
american beauty
a beautiful mind
zoolander
waiting
lord of the rings trilogy
just a list of movies ive watched in the past couple weeks....yes i have that much time on my hands....but such great movies. nothing much has been goin on. school and work basically and the occasional trip to the bar. been feelin pretty sick for a while now. not too sure what's goin on with that. goin to the docs in a couple days to find out what the deal is. been hangin out with some old friends on a more regular basis which is awesome. i kinda miss the old days. everything else has been ok i suppose. i realized as much as i want a relationship, i dont think im quite ready for the bullshit and drama that comes along with it. im probably better off this way. i got the applications to the overseas medschools finally. now i just gotta fill them out and send everything they're asking for and keep my fingers crossed. IF, which is a really really big IF, i get excepted, i leave at the end of august. which means HUUUUUUGE party lol. i gotta go out with a bang. coz this isn't like me leaving for boston which was only 4 hrs away, this is me goin to another country. so we're gonna do it up big. keep ur fingers crossed and if u pray, pray for me =o). well i guess that's it. later |
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| i hate breaks between classes...makes the day so much longer |
[Jan. 30th, 2006|09:44 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  content | ] |
| [ | music |
| | ATREYU-BLEEDING MASCARA (dl it, it's amazing!!!) | ] |
so im sittin here in the library of lovely nassau community college(goddamn i hate this place) and i decided to update. well school has started (obviously), it's not so bad i guess, in terms of classes. i just hate coming to this place, i odn tknow why, there's just something about ncc that i really dislike. maybe it's the fact that 95% of the people here still act like they're in high school? yeah that could be it. but yeah....so alot has been going on with me. ive been trying to figure out what to do about school for the fall. i either to go nyit's school of medicine, nycom, or i go overseas to either london or grenada, in the caribbean. nycom would be the ideal choice only coz it's close to home and i wouldnt have to deal with that empty feeling i felt while i was in boston. but at the same time it's like i have this opportunity to study abroad in two amazing places. the only problem with going overseas is that when i come home to do my residency and shit i could be shipped off somewhere in the boondocks, but still within the states. i really need to get the ball rolling on this. i was supposed to find out about nycom last semester, and i procrastinated so damn much that i lost my chance to get enrolled for this semester. but yeah that's enough about school..........
my birthday passed two weeks ago....21st birthday might i add!! =o). of course that was sick. a few people from work at american eagle took me out to a bar for a couple of drinks....then the next day i went snowboarding with charlie liliana and brian pross upstate to hunter mountain. i loved it. we came back thursday night and then friday night my mom sis broinlaw nephew and sisters broinlaw drove up to boston to meet up with my cousins family and from there we drove up to new hampshire for a weekend ski/snowboard trip. again, awesome except for sunday when the rain from saturday night froze over....so needless to say the 2nd day of snowboarding with the fam wasnt as good as the first. but i still had fun.........
my love life is still in shambles lol. but whatever, im just taking it as it comes, one step at a time. no sense in making myself miserable and depressed that i dont have anybody, right? RIGHT! though, i would love to be with nicole, if it doesn't happen, it doesnt happen, and that's fine, coz as cliche and corny as it sounds, i do value her friendship a hell of a lot more....so we shall see. well i guess that's it for me, im gonna go take a quick hr nap before my 11am class.........later |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 23rd, 2006|01:39 am] |
lets see pulled shoulder muscle, slight concussion, and completely hammered all weekend(not while snowboarding and not hungover while snowboarding, dont worry).
all in all goooooood weekend |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 18th, 2006|03:41 pm] |
"Tiger Lily"
we drive tonight,
and you are by my side.
We're talking about our lives,
like we've known each other forever.
the time flies by,
with the sound of your voice.
its close to paradise,
with the end surely near.
and if i could only stop the car
and hold onto you,
and never let go (and never let go)
i'll never let go (i'll never let go)
as we round the corner
to your house
you turned to me and said,
"i'll be going through withdrawal of you
for this one night we have spent."
and, i want to speak these words
but i guess i'll just bite my tongue,
and accept "someday, somehow"
as the words that we'll hang from.
and i (i..), i don't want to speak these words.
'cause i ('cause i..), i don't want to make things any worse.
and i (i..), i don't want to speak these words.
'cause i, i don't want to make things any worse.
why does tonight, have to end?
why don't we hit restart,
and pause it at our favorite parts.
we'll skip the goodbyes.
if i had it my way,
i'd turn the car around and runaway,
just you and i.
and i (i..), i don't want to speak these words.
'cause i ('cause i..), i don't want to make things any worse. (any worse)
and i (i..), i don't want to speak these words
'cause i, i don't want to make things
and i, i don't want to make things any worse |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 17th, 2006|02:55 pm] |
hi my name is donish, i just turned 21 today and well im already becoming an alcoholic......ahhhhhhhh
lol jk |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 15th, 2006|08:32 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | matchbook romance-tiger lily | ] |
so the feelings have been put out on the table...and we both agree we like each other but right now is not the right time only coz she's just gotten outta relationship and she doesnt wanna be unfair to me, which i completely respect and it's cool....im quitting american eagle and gonna be working at the sunglass hut.
got my snowboard finally going up wed-sun
birthday is in two days....aright later |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 3rd, 2006|10:59 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | silverstein-smile in your sleep | ] |
let's see.....well to start off...happy new years everybody. hope u all had a fun but safe new years eve. i went party hoppin all night which is always fun lol. let's just say having to go to work in the morning was not a pleasant experience but funny as hell only coz everyone in the store was completely hung over, so u can only imagine how that whole day went. nothing really has been going on. working ALOT, but it's all good coz im gettin paaaaaaaaiiiiid. i bought my new surfboard today which the wetsuit, came out to a little over a 1000, but it's ok. cant wait for it to get warmer so i can start hittin the waves, haha. i was gonna get the insulated wetsuit so i can go winter surfing, but i didnt wanna spend the extra cash, maybe soon though, we'll see. now im saving up for another car. blaaaah. let's see so it's jan 3rd....my birthday is in exactly 2 weeks from now!!!! 21 bitches!!! im going up to the mountains that weekend with my cousins to go snowboarding...they're getting me a new board...how fuckin sick is that. well im done talking about nothing, i gotta be up at 4am and it's 11 right now...goodnight |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 28th, 2005|05:15 pm] |
xmas was alright. been torn between two girls....one i obviously like more than the other one...here's the basic situation:
donish <3 nicole
nicole likes donish
donish likes jen
jen <3 donish
lol, so fucked up. other than that ive been busy. buyin my new surfboard in a week and then debating taking a lifeguard training course. ummm what else? i guess that's pretty much it. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 15th, 2005|09:19 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  hopeful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | counting crows-long december | ] |
i like her alot, but it sucks coz i cant do nothing just yet, coz she's on the rebound. just broke up with her bf about a month ago...so there's that extra baggage. i guess ill take what we have right now and deal. so that was completely random...let's see everything has been goin well. workin two jobs and just finished with school, so definitely stoked about that. my winter break is gonna consist of me workin about 70-80 hrs a week with both jobs combined....cash is king baby, cash...is...king!
ive been on a mass dl'ing spree of music. the oldies. billy joel, the beatles, hendrix, pearl jam, stone temple pilots, depeche mode, gin blossoms, blind melon, live, rem, reggie and the full effect, the wallflowers and then the others, but not oldies....matchbox 20, something corporate, o.a.r, jack johnson.....and many more...lol. about 300 songs, i wasn't kidding when i said mass dl'ing spree. but it's great. seriously if u love music, u need to dl these bands...it'll take u back to the good ol' days lol
well im done, headin out to the bar, have acouple drinks, watch the game and shoot some pool...gotta love old mans bars haha...lata |
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| fear aint got shit on me |
[Dec. 1st, 2005|09:11 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | gin blossoms- allison road | ] |
" To love another and to draw close to them is like standing near a fire. Yes, there is a chance that you will get burnt, but unless you come close, you will never feel the warmth."
no more being afraid |
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| im startin to hate roller coasters... |
[Nov. 27th, 2005|09:54 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | rollercoaster | ] |
| [ | music |
| | smashing pumpkins-zero | ] |
so the past week has been very crazy to say the least. let's just say im in a sea of emotions. hate, love, anger, sadness, happiness, im all over the place right now and because of one conversation. i guess i should be content, coz that's the best i'll get and i have to learn to except that. and i do wanna dead the hostility. and i guess not knowing what to do is confusing me even more. it's all good though. i was looking at a previous entry i wrote a little while back and i gotta say, i was pissed lol. but i guess it was good that i got it out somewhere. i mean i write songs and poetry all the time, but for some reason it didn't give me the same feeling of the weight of the world being lifted off my shoulders.
speaking of which, im gettin better at guitar =o). my songs are starting to sound somewhat like songs haha. so that's pretty sick. ummm...my date with the girl from work went reeally well. we chilled, talked, had some coffee. real easy goin night. last night was a party at my managers house. i got fuckin tanked lol. 9 beers 4 shots and did two keg stands lol. good times good times. i guess that's really all there is to say. oh yeah, hope everyone had a great thanksgiving. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 18th, 2005|05:10 am] |
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fuck u and everyone that was part of it! |
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| i'm a train wreck without you, but it's better than feeling dead when im with you |
[Nov. 9th, 2005|10:33 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | calm | ] |
| [ | music |
| | hoobastank-outta control | ] |
nothing really has been goin' on? ive been gettin really pissed off lately, but not because of anything in the present but shit in the past. i thought i burned all the letters, notes, cards, etc, but when i was cleanin out my closet, i found more stuff. and instead of chucking it, i decided "hey why dont i see what it is and read it". good lord im an ass. it brought back a bunch of feelings. feelings of when i once thought i was happy and blah blah blah. anyway just thought id share that with ya. everything else has been pretty good. i love work, yeah it's retail and that sucks, but the people are there are fuckin amazing. my manager is having a keg party in a couple weeks at his new place so definitely stoked about that. he said i can invite people (which i probably will) so if you're nice to me, you'll get an invite lol. but yeah, it's just overall fun working with those people. school is goin ok. i hate classes but i gotta deal. seriously who the hell decides a career in medicine lol. stupid goals of mine. ive been thinkin about quittin the whole med thing, but i think more and more about it and it doesnt make sense. coz i know nothing else will make me happier. and i believe that in the end, the 8 yrs of school will be totally worth it. as far as my love life goes, there is still that empty void. it sucks, but what u gonna do. i guess i have to find that right girl or wait for her to find me. i guess i just want to know what it is to feel true love coz god knows what i had before was bullshit high school romance. "i love u, i wanna marry u" HA what a fuckin crock. i want to know what it's like to really be in love with someone. someone who actually respects u and just spit all over u. sorry, i started goin on a rant. im tryin actually really hard to not do that anymore. that part of my life is over. i can't keep bein upset about it. i have to make that part not exist anymore, it needs to be dead to me.........but why isn't it? blah. im just basically bored, ive been sittin here for a while with writers block tryin to come up with a new song. i thnk im just really tired. and watch as soon as im about two seconds from fallin asleep im gonna think of an awesome verse and am gonna have to start writing again haha. the hardest part is gettin the music down for it. im lookin to go into a studio in a few months and just record a few songs not to get famous, but just to say that i was actually able to do it lol. i gotta work on the voice though...=o( umm what else? i finally got membership to the gym at dolphins. which is good coz now i can go back to gettin into shape. by my birthday i wanna put on about 15-20lbs of muscle. we'll see what happens. i workout with charlie and eli which is awesome coz it's more motivation for me coz those guys have been goin consistently for a long time so when im with them they push my ass to its breaking point which is exactly what i need. i have a date with a girl from work....probably not a good idea only coz we're co-workers, but whatever it's a movie. im smart enough to know not to let it go TOO far. ;)
aright well im done for now....goodnight all!
you need to get over yourself, you're a fuckin sham
i'm a train wreck without you, but it's better than feeling dead when im with you |
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| 631 am, off to work, but had to update.... |
[Oct. 30th, 2005|06:29 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | sad yet happy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | brand new-jaws theme swimming | ] |
i guess heartache is a part of growing up...but come on now, im as old as they get now!! but i guess there's an upside to all this...she's happy. and yes im being the nice guy that gets screwed in the end, but hey, in all honesty, i guess it's worth it coz when i heard her voice on the phone after she told me her and her ex are workin their shit out, i knew what i did was the right thing....
::sigh::
am i ever gonna find my girl? |
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